I have tot school with my twin boys because I like structure and tot school gives our day some direction. My boys really do well with crafts. Not all kids do well with crafts, but since mine do, that’s what I work with. During craft time my world is somewhat controlled and fun. Before and after tot school there’s alot of disobedience, correcting and many times tears that make up the rest of the day. Moms of infants and preschoolers are called to sacrifice their comfort and desires over and over. While I try to focus on those daily mercies that God brings into my life, sometimes the selfish side of me just says “I hate this! When do I get a break? Why aren’t you, God, helping me handle these disobedient children better? How come I had all these great plans to be a strong, Godly mother and it seems that you, God, are putting road blocks up? I’m daily praying and I’m reading your Word to my children. Help me!”
This past month I’ve dealt with two boys that refuse to take their nap but are so unrully by 4:30 in the afternoon that I can’t do anything with them or even cook dinner. On top of that, they won’t keep their clothes or their diapers on and I have one son that is determined to kill himself in risky, fearless behavior. Yes, he’s only 2.5yr old & I expect he’ll want to do sky diving or cliff jumping when he’s older. I know it could be worse, but this morning I was so discouraged by my day to day life. It’s not what I want it to be. I am disappointed and hurt that God has left me in this season of difficulty. Honestly, I wasn’t much liking God this morning because of His decisions lately. Then I opened my email and I was encouraged. The following is a part of the email from Mom Heart Online. This is my mercy for today. I hope it encourages you too and know that many moms around the world are crying out just like me and you. Go ahead and cry, because our God wants our cries, our disappointments and the times of joy.
When I was in charge of the dream, back before it was a reality, life was perfect.
I was minding my own business, living out my agenda and then…
God’s decision slammed into my day altering my reality and my feelings were very hurt.
I love Him, I trust His sovereignty but there are weak, fleeting moments when I am not sure I like Him.
He makes choices without consulting me. He does not even ask my opinion much less, it seems, take it into consideration. He hurts my feelings on a regular basis and I tell Him when He does. I sure take Him up on His words in 1 Peter 5:7 when He said, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” I just happen to believe that “all your care” includes hurt feelings and disappointments.
David, who was a man after God’s own heart, tells us in Psalms 42:3-4, “My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me.” David certainly told God when he was disappointed, in despair, discouraged and despondent.
I pour out my heart to God often. Oh, I have my times of praise and worship. I have scheduled sessions of thanksgiving and ways of expressing gratitude. But sometimes when I am just downright annoyed with Him, well, I tell Him that as well.
All of us love transparency. I would rather know how someone feels than to wonder. I would rather you tell me you do not like chocolate cake, than for you to pretend and endure eating it in my presence. I would definitely not understand if you do not like coffee and a spot of hot Yorkshire Gold tea with cream and sugar, but it would be helpful to know that information if you were coming to my house for a visit! (giggle).
Why is it okay for us to express our likes, dislikes, and preferences with each other but not with God? We humans are so funny. Surely God must chuckle at our irrational reasoning. He is omnipotent. He knows what we think and feel before it forms in our mind and heart, so why would He be surprised or offended if we expressed what He already knows is there?
Telling God we do not like His decision is not some unpardonable sin. It is a frail, human being communicating a hurt to the Creator who instilled those feelings into that creature. There is such freedom in being honest with God. Like that emotionally exhausted but cleansed feeling we experience after a good cry. No one enjoys the process of crying and many times we put it off because it takes time and hurts and is painful. Yet giving in and releasing the tears that shed the hurt feelings in the process is so good for the soul. Much like a belly laugh releases emotions and reduces stress, so does a good cry over hurt feelings.